"Big Brother 8," Sunday, Aug. 26, 2007

Some observations before I begin …

I usually wind up catching the tail end of "60 Minutes" waiting for "Big Brother 8," and inevitably, there’s Andy Rooney. What’s with those eyebrows??? I just want to take a weed-whacker to them.

A blog reader suggested I subscribe to the "Big Brother" 24/7 daily feeds. I usually wind up walking away from the computer with typer’s cramp (as opposed to writer’s cramp), my legs half-asleep, and the rest of me three-quarters asleep after blogging just the hour show. I’m already addicted to the show three hours a week (plus the time it actually takes me to do this blog). If I start watching the daily feeds, I’d be drinking about 10 cups of coffee (up from my usual five) and seeing my friends and family for about 10 minutes a day (but, rest assured, it WOULD be quality time …)

It’s also getting tougher to root for someone remaining in the "Big Brother" house to win. I’m kinda rooting for Jameka, but it’s really because I just can’t stand almost every else remaining in the house.

After the recap, Dick has a party for one in the Diary Room about Jen being evicted. With all those green tattoos on Dick’s right arm, it looks like he’s growing moss. Which, for as long as he’s wound up being in the "Big Brother" house, that wouldn’t be surprising.

Daniele hugs Jen on Jen’s way out, and Jen says to her, "I’m glad you had my back." To which Daniele retorts, "I’m glad you told lies." Later, in the Diary Room, Daniele says, "Honestly, I regret hugging Jen, she is one of a kind, and that kind that I hope I never, ever, ever encounter ever again." Ever?

On her way out, Jen remarks cryptically to Amber to remember to tell Jessica something. What is it?? Don’t wear white after Labor Day? Always look both ways before crossing the street?

We may just never, ever, ever know. Ever. (Unless they tell us later …)

It’s now Day 55 in the "Big Brother" house.

Dick remarks that this is the first time Amber hasn’t cried when somebody’s been evicted.

They are all looking at the photo wall, and Jen’s picture goes from color to black and white. "She said it would look better in black and white, as soon as she saw it, and she was right," said Dick.

Eric, Dick and Daniele are overjoyed that Jessica is Head of Household this week.

Says Zach, "I am not a threat at this point, therefore, I feel completely safe for this week." Hang on to that feeling, Zach. Enjoy it while it lasts.. (Why did "You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling" just pop into my head?) And, have you ever realized that the people that feel "completely safe" tend to get bit in the keyster?

In the Diary Room, Amber says, "I even said to God, I said, ‘God, please let me get this HOH. If it’s not meant for me, hopefully Jessica will get it."

Eric congratulates Jessica on winning HOH, and she tells him she will probably have to put up Amber. (We then get a quick flash of Amber sitting in the kitchen stuffing her face with what looks like pasta. Did we really need to see that? I mean, it wasn’t disgusting or anything, but, "Big Brother" producers, and your point is?)

Amber and Jameka talk. Amber says Jessica will probably put up Dick and Daniele for eviction.

Amber says, "Jess and Eric are playing both sides. But, my instinct makes me think Jessica won’t put me up on the block, that she will put Dick and Daniele up." When will these people EVER learn not to speculate like that?

Eric gives Jessica a question about what she would do with him if the cameras were gone for an hour. Surprisingly, "chain him, gag him and stuff him in a trunk" was not one of the options.

Says Eric, "I have no game whatsoever as it relates to women, you know? I’m just a 5’7 Jewish kid, and it just so happens, when in comparison to an ogre (Zach) and a 44-year-old pervert (that would be Dick), frankly, I’m the best thing that’s remaining here, and, you know, it’s working for me." It’s nice to have a dream, Eric.

We now get to see Jessica’s HOH room, and there’s a picture of a bunch of girls. "That’s my football team," she says. They’re wearing short tops and long pants, but no shoulder pads, no helmets. I was getting a little concerned for their physical safety when we learn they’re actually the "dance team," not the "football team." Jess also gets a T-shirt with the word "BOOYAH" on it, her father Joel’s favorite term of excitement. Good thing his favorite term wasn’t "Zipideedoodah zippityay." Would be a lot tougher to fit that on a T-shirt.

Jessica asks Amber what Jen meant when she said when she left the house ("Make sure to tell Jess") Amber said she meant to make sure to tell Jessica Eric has a girlfriend. Jessica says she doesn’t know why if that’s true he would tell Jen and not Jessica. "But she’s right. I don’t like cheats … AT ALL," says Jessica.

Then, Dick wants to know what were the "secret-coded messages"? Secret-coded messages? Sounds like something you’d find at the bottom of a box of Lucky Charms. (And, yes, I admit it: My name is Brad, and I dumped out boxes and boxes of cereal to get to the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. There. I feel much freer now.) When Dick leaves, Amber tells Eric in front of Jessica what Jen had told her.

After the commercial break, Eric talks to Amber about his girlfriend (although he says he doesn’t want to put a title to her) and Jessica. "The thing is, I have really, really tried to like, you know, not to cross lines in either direction or not, you know, I don’t know what to do." Sounds like a job for America, "Big Brother 8" producers! "What should Eric do, America?" Eric says what Jen said was untrue.

We then see Dick trying to squeeze years of missed parenting into a season of "Big Brother." He again tells her to take her vitamins, and to stop picking her bug bites, and (again) to take her vitamins.

Then Dick and Daniele are up in the HOH room, watching the hidden camera, and Dick asks, "Where’s Zach?" Daniele replies, "Probably in the bathroom." "How come you’re so impatient with me today?" Dick asks, to which Daniele replies not-so-convincingly, "I’m noooooooooot." Daniele is showing about as much patience I show when I’m standing in line at the registers during the holiday season.

When Dick asks her if there’s anything wrong, Daniele says, "I’m sick of everybody in this house. I’m sick of you farting all the time. I’m sick of your rude comments all the time. I’m sick of you trying to parent me all the time. I’m just annoyed with things, that’s all. That’s what it is." And, of course, Mr. Calm Cool and Collected that he is, Dick leaves in a huff. (Go on, I know you want to say … and a puff. And, yes, he’ll blowww the "Big Brother" house down …)

Dick and Daniele then try to iron out their difficulties. (Can you guys do my shirts while you’re there?) Jessica and Eric hear them arguing and they wonder if their argument is for real or for show.

Jameka and Jessica talk in the HOH room about who Jessica should put up for eviction. Jameka suggests putting up both Evel Dick and Daniele. Jessica was thinking about putting one up, and someone like Zach, but doesn’t know what she’s going to do yet.

After commercial break, it’s time for the first luxury challenge, and it’s the men versus the women, decided by Jessica. Let me rephrase that: Jessica decided the teams would be the men versus the women, not that she would be decided WHO were the men and who were the women. And the prize is for the luxury challenge is …. A "Big Brother" shopping spree!

The houseguests had to get dressed in clothing provided by "Big Brother," then go outside, where there’s this big contraption set up pouring out tons of suds. Eric is the only one excited when they learn they’re going to have to get into their "birthday suit."

The suds will pour down on the houseguests. On the inside of each article of clothing is a letter of the alphabet. They need to remove the clothes to reveal the letters that spell out three words related to the "Big Brother 8" competition. The first team to hang their clothes on the line and spell the words correctly wins a two-minute shopping spree. (And, of course, any excessive skin is blurred out. Dang.)

The women win. They have two minutes to put on all the new clothes they can. Whatever they’re wearing, after the two minutes, they can keep.

"There was definitely a lot to chose from. There was a lot more smaller sizes than anything," said Amber, which was bad because, "I’m not as small as I look." Trust me, Amber, you don’t look that small.

After the commercial break Amber says she’d like to pursue modeling. "I have the hair, and the face, and the personality," she says. I know the feeling, Amber.

Back in the HOH room, Zach suggests to Jessica and Eric putting up Dick and Daniele for eviction.

We then learn the results of last week’s "America’s Player" question: Who should Eric get nominated? America chooses …. Amber.

Jessica and Eric then talk in the HOH room. Jessica wonders what she’s going to do, and of course, Eric mentions nominating Amber. Later, in the Diary Room, Jessica says, "I very torn. There’s a million things running through my head." (I don’t see why not …there’s plenty of room in there for them to run around …) "So many different scenarios, strategies, plans that could be worked. And, I have no idea." Why doesn’t that surprise me.

It’s time for the next "America’s Player" question: "Which houseguest do you want Eric to kiss?" Jessica would be wayyy to easy (read that any way you want to). And, to be fair, I’ll pick one from the women and one from the men: Jameka and Dick (Nothing like having "America’s Player" being sent to the emergency room.")

After commercial break, it’s time for nominations.

Of course, we get the pre-nominations speeches: "I don’t think she’ll put me up," "She better not put me up," or …"If she puts me up, I’ll understand." (Yeah, liar, liar, "Big Brother" house on fire. Which at this point may not be a bad idea. Just make sure you guys save Julie Chen from the set.)

When all the keys are pulled, we find Jessica has nominated Zach and Amber for eviction. (Not to say I told you so, but I told both of you that you shouldn’t feel safe.)

Says Zach, "I was shocked because I thought her and I had a pretty good understanding. I’ve actually got to finally work this week to stay in the house." To quote RuPaul, Zach, "You better work."

Jessica says, "Eric and Jameka, I am so close with in this game, and I also have an agreement with Dick and Daniele. And I don’t feel a need to take them out right now. I’m not regretting it so far, and I hope I don’t later on."

And it wouldn‘t be a "Big Brother 8" episode if we didn‘t see Amber getting weepy. "Hey, God, it’s me," says Amber as though she’s talking to an answering machine. "I don’t want you to think that you know I’m doubting you or I’m mad at you, because I’m not. Because I love you God and God bless you! Help me be strong!"

Yeah, God, help her. She needs all the help she can get.