“Big Brother 8”: Sunday, July 8, 2007

The show starts out by delving into the relationships between the three pairs of houseguests who hve had a history outside the house. Where’s Dr. Phil when you need him?

OK, is it just me, or does Jessica’s voice grate on anyone else’s nerves?

Then it's time for all the houseguests (and of course, all of America) to see Kail’s private Head of Household bedroom. (All together now: "Ooooh, ahhhh!" At any rate, it certainly outshines the other houseguests' living quearters.

Now, brace yourselves for some Drama. Yes, that’s drama with a capital D. Every season, the houseguests’ head-shots are put on a wall, under which is their symbolic key to the “Big Brother” house. Poor Jen flips out at her picture on the board. “I’ve never taken a worse picture!” Get the Prozac and get over it! I love the maudlin music they’re playing during the scene, too. And then I burst out laughing when Jen covered up her picture with what looked like paper.

Other tid-bits that come to light: We learn “Evil Dick” is quite the name dropper, and Amber is 27-years-old and taking care of six people.

Mike seeks out Kail about teaming up for an alliance. Kail suggests an alliance of four: Zach, Nick, Mike and herself. Nick says, “No one would expect that us three would hook up with her. It’s Mrs. Robinson and her three boys.” So, I’m guessing that anytime soon, Julie is going to start referring to them as the “Mrs. Robinson Alliance,” similar to the Mr. and Mrs. Smith Alliance from last season.

The only bad thing about this is now I have the song “Mrs. Robinson” stuck in my head. (Hey, something has to fill the void.)

It’s then time for the “Big Brother” food competition, “Butter Me Up.” They separate into two teams. Each team must transfer as much butter as possible from their butter pumper to their giant tub of popcorn, using only their bodies, while another teammate rubs the butter off them. The losing team will be eating what is called Big Brother Slop.

I loved the competition being compared to “Baywatch,” complete with music and the contestants moving in slow motion. The red team wins, thanks in large part to Amber’s long hair. (Note: Should you ever need to know this, you can store A LOT of butter in long hair).

Ex-boyfriends Joe and Dustin continue to bicker. Says Dustin: “Joe and I will definitely be targets over the next two weeks, just because of the drama that surrounded us right off the bat. And I feel like people don’t want that in the house.” Ya think?

And, you know, tattoos are one thing, but he earring in Dick’s eyebrow looks incredibly painful.

The choices for the first assignment for “America’s Player” are revealed. The assignment: The houseguests are just starting to get to know each other. It’s time for Eric to reveal his soft side by making up a traumatic story about his past. To whom should he pour his heart out?” And then we’re given instructions how to vote. I cracked up when the narrator started speed-talking the contest regulations. (Hey, it takes very little to amuse me some days. You should see me in the office on pay day.)

Now we’re up to Nomination Day, where the Head of Household has to nominate two houseguests for eviction. The houseguests’ large keys are put into this large round key holder, and one by one they pull the keys out, until we find out whose keys are not there, which means they are the two nominated for eviction.

Oh, and by the way, inquiring minds, as we pass by the photo wall, Jen’s picture is uncovered. Just thought you’d like to know.

At the end of the nomination ceremony, we discover Kail has nominated Amber and Carol for eviction, because they were the first ones out of the HOH competition. Way to play it safe, Kail!